Catching up

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Catching up
by Harbinger of Death

That’s it, I’m getting out of here.” Alura packed her backpack with some necessities, like Twinkies.

“You can’t go!” said Stripe. “You’ll be more vulnerable out there!”

“Yeah, and besides, then you’d leave us with one less person to fend off the Harbinger,” Aquila said.

“You mean one less person for you to throw in front of you as a human shield,” said Wikewike.

“I knew it, I knew you’ve been reading my diary!” Aquila lunged for Wikewike, who neatly stepped aside as Aquila went thunk on the floor.

“See ya later,” said Alura, and headed out the door.

“No, no, wait!” they called, and followed her.

“We’ll go with you. There’s strength in numbers,” Stripe said bravely.

“Boy, are you dumb to believe that,” said Aquila. “If that were true, we would have been able to overtake the chancellors a long time ago.”

“I was trying to mollify her with a stale but still widely-believed maxim,” Stripe hissed, elbowing her. Aquila looked apologetic.

“Really though, if you’re going, we’re all going,” said Wikewike, and they all joined arms.

They snuck through the woods hoping to be sneaky by not taking the main campus paths, forgetting that all horrid things happen to people who go through the woods instead of main paths. It’s a rule in the movies. Can't be helped.

“Do you remember it being this hot in our rooms?” asked Alura. “And look at these plants. They’re huge. This isn’t like the vegetation I remember seeing before.”

“Listen!” said Stripe. “Was that a parrot or something?”

“Man, this is weird. It’s like we’re in a jungle or something.”

“Holy cow! Get down!” Aquila hissed, and yanked them all to the ground.

“What the heck was that for?” whispered Wikewike. Aquila could only point in terror. There, in a small clearing up ahead, was a dinosaur.

“This is bad, bad news,” said Alura. “I knew I should have left you guys in the dorms!”

“Shut up! It’ll hear us! Oh my gosh, I think it’s a velociraptor.”

“Wait a minute, don’t they always travel in twos?”

There was a moment of silence as they realized what that meant, and they looked up at a rustle in the leaves behind them. They barely had time to scream before the other raptor was upon them, tearing them to bits.


Mania and Cleya were having the time of their lives. With most everybody dead, they were able to pilfer money from students’ dorm rooms and even from the chancellor’s mansion. When they all got back, they’d blame it on the few newbies that were still alive, and of course they’d believe the upperclassmen over a bunch of grape-peeling Level Ones.

“I love shopping,” sighed Cleya, looking fondly once again at the lingerie in her bag.

“This whip is superb,” said Mania, fingering the leather. “See what fine stitchery is on the handle. Now let’s go to the fireworks outlet. I need a few pyrotechnics supplies.”

“Let’s go get a soft pretzel first. I’m hungry.”

“Okay. I hope they have super hot mustard.”

They were on their way to the pretzel stand when the ground shook so greatly that everyone on the street lost their balance. “What was that? An earthquake?” Cleya gripped her shopping bag tightly. No natural disaster was going to separate her from her silk stockings.

Mania laughed, and pointed at the source of the giant shadow that was darkening the sky. An ape, bigger than most of the buildings, lumbered through the streets. It spied the two Debs and bent down to pick them up.

“This can’t be happening!” cried Cleya. “He’ll wrinkle my new slip!”

“Trippy,” said Mania, looking over the simian’s fist to the ground below, which was getting farther away as the ape began to climb a skyscraper. Soon there were airplanes circling the giant ape, who howled in anger, his arm hooked around the tower on the very top.

“Don’t fire!” yelled Cleya. “You’ll hit us, you morons!”

“I don’t think they can hear you,” said Mania. “And I think they’re just trying to wound him so he’ll come down.” Just then a shot from one of the planes pegged the ape right in the heart. “Okay, I could be wrong.”

He plummeted down to the earth, taking the girls with him. And unfortunately, the saying about buttered bread also applies to giant falling gorillas, in that they always land face down. Two more Debs joined the ghostly party at the guest house.

October 31 2000


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