Tidying up

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Tidying up
by Easter Bunny

Three newbies were huddled in their room, afraid to go anywhere. Just about everyone had disappeared from campus, and it was just plain eerie. They were afraid to use any appliances for fear of electrocution, eat or drink anything for fear of poisoning, even showering for fear of slipping and getting a conk on the noggin. So not only were they afraid, but also a little gamey. Needless to say, the tension was mounting.

“I have got to eat something,” Circe groaned. “I can’t keep up my strength like this.”

“Me too. It’s just not right that the Harbinger would leave us to suffer this way,” said Maigrey. “I think he left us for near the end on purpose.”

“Of course he did,” Yvenna said. “He wanted to make us sweat. It’s his job.”

“Well, I’m done fasting. We’ll die of starvation anyway, so I might as well enjoy a bite and risk the poisoning.” Circe went to the fridge.

“I’ll have one of everything,” called Yvenna.

“Make mine double!” said Maigrey. “What do you have to drink?”

“I’ve got some cider but it’s gone hard,” said Circe, pouring it down the drain. “That leaves grape juice and half a bottle of skunky beer.”

“Ew. Grape juice please.”

“Me too.”

Circe poured them all some juice and put a plate of Pizza Rolls in the microwave. “Here’s to us,” she said. “And to a hopefully painless death.”

They lifted their cups, and then froze in fear. Each saw an X emblazoned on her cup in ghostly blood.

“Do you see that?” whispered Maigrey.

“Yes,” said Yvenna. Circe nodded also. But what they did not know was that each amazon saw only the X on her own cup, not the others’. They looked at each other, eyes narrowing as the same plot formed in their heads.

“Oh my goodness, what was that sound?” exclaimed Circe. Yvenna and Maigrey jumped and turned, and Circe switched cups with Yvenna.

“I don’t know!” said Yvenna, who hadn’t heard anything, but decided to use the moment to her advantage. “But I think it moved over there!” As the others looked that direction, she switched cups with Maigrey.

Maigrey still didn’t hear anything, but also seized the opportunity. “Ack! Behind the window!” she pointed, and replaced her cup with Circe’s.

In the moment that followed, the three amazons looked around the room and at each other. In their fear, desperation and hunger, they plotted against each other’s lives.

“Weren’t we about to toast?” asked Maigrey, smiling sweetly.

“Indeed,” said Yvenna, and lifted her cup. They drank the juice down, each satisfied that she had dodged the poisonous bullet. But in a moment they all grabbed their throats, and a cloaked figure shimmered into view.

“Tasteless and odorless,” he said. “I love iocane powder.”

“You mean….”

“Yes. They were ALL poisoned.”

THUNK. The three newbies fell over dead. EB chuckled. The Princess Bride was, after all, one of his favorite flicks.


Feonix was lonely. Everybody was dead. Bummer. What to do? He sniffled, and realized he wasn’t feeling so well. Cold and flu season was coming, after all, so perhaps some orange juice would help.

He squeezed dozens of oranges to get a nice big pitcher full of juice and pulp. Looking around, he remembered there wasn’t anybody to see him goofing off, so he took one of the orange peels and stuck it in his mouth, so that when he opened his lips all you could see was orange peel. Feonix giggled (it was a muted giggle) and looked at himself in the mirror.

“Blah!” he said, or tried to say, and chased around the room after an invisible friend. Ow…his chest hurt all of a sudden, and his left arm went numb. He tried to gasp for air, but the orange peel was in the way. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. His heart stopped, and poor Feonix keeled over on the spot. The silhouette logo of “The Godfather” lay next to his body.

November 01 2000


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