Adagio in D

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Adagio in D
October 18 2001 at 3:48 PM
Harbinger of Death

Owlharp put down her director’s baton. “No, no!” she said impatiently. “That’s adagio, not andante! We must get it right this time.”

“We’re tired,” sighed Kendaa. “We need a break.”

“Couldn’t we get some water?” asked Shambalayogi.

“Maybe a snack,” She Elf suggested.

“Or maybe a new piece of music,” TabuMinstrel said wryly.

“Very funny,” said Owlharp, frowning. “I do think a water break might be helpful.”

“And a snack break,” said She Elf.

“Are you hungry?” said a deep voice, and their eyes got wide. There was a blur of silver glitter, and they were all momentarily blinded. When the haze cleared, they found themselves strapped to netted gurneys, sort of like a hammock but with a metal frame.

“What’s going on?” asked Kendaa, worried.

“Snack time,” said the deep voice, and large bowls of baked beans appeared next to each gurney. Next to each bowl appeared a skeleton brandishing a spoon. They began to sing.

“Beans, beans, the musical fruit
The more you eat, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
So let’s have beans for every meal”

As they sang, they shoveled baked beans into the girls’ mouths. Although the hapless victims struggled, they were force-fed spoonful after spoonful. If they resisted, bony fingers pinched their noses until they complied. After a time, the “musical fruit” began to take effect.

“This is so embarrassing,” said Shamba.

“It’s a perfectly natural function,” Tabu said. “Just because we’re girls doesn’t mean it’s wrong to produce any sound or odor which might indicate we are biological organisms.”

“At least we’re being musical,” said Owlharp, in an effort to put a happy spin on the situation. The others groaned in response.

The feeding sped up, and so did the “music.” In fact, it was so constant and explosive that finally their bodies could no longer take it, and they imploded into limp, lifeless sacks of skin and bones. The five-part harmony was silenced as another quintet joined the dead.

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