Rainforest Crunch

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Rainforest Crunch
October 18 2002 at 2:16 PM
Harbinger of Death 

"Save Our Rainforests. Save Our Rainforests." Beck, Nydiva, Emerald and ForgetMeNot paced back and forth with picket signs, chanting their message.

"I don't know, do you think this is even worth it? There's hardly anybody here." Beck sighed.

"You! I know you want to support our cause, don't you? Here, have a button!" FMN grabbed ShouLao as he walked past and slapped a button with their slogan onto his shirt.

"Oooff. What are you doing?" ShouLao peered down to see what it was he was now endorsing. “Rainforests? What do I care?"

"You ought to care!" Beck declared. "There are all kinds of animals that live in the rainforest that will die if they aren't left undisturbed. Did you know that Mindanao, an island in the Philippines, houses several endangered species? There are some birds there that have only a few hundred left in existence."

"But I can't do anything about it," ShouLao protested.

"Sure you can!" said Nydiva. "Buy some ice cream."


"Rainforest Crunch by Ben & Jerry's. A percentage of the sales goes toward preserving the rainforests."

"Oh. Well, if I can be an environmentalist and have ice cream too, I guess I 'll help," said ShouLao, and the activists beamed at him. WHOOOOSH.

"Isn't it lovely!" breathed Emerald, looking at the plush, exotic foliage around them.

"Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!" said ShouLao wonderingly, twitching his long, thin tail. "Oh. I probably am.”

"Eeee-eeee!" laughed Nydiva. "You're a monkey!"

"Betcha can't do this." Beck hung upside down by her tail on a branch.

"Can too." And promptly there were four upside-down monkeys on the branch.

"Look, look," said FMN, righting herself. "There are some of the animals we were talking about! There's an Emerald Tree Boa."

"He's my favorite color," Emerald noted.

"Of course. And there's a Monkey-Eating Eagle! Those are so rare!"

"I'm sorry," said ShouLao, "could you repeat that, please?"

"A Monkey-Eating Eagle. There are only 300 or so left. It's been proposed as the national bird of the Philippines, and-"

PECK PECK PECK. It did not take all 300 to make short work of the monkey Debs, only a couple of quick ones.

"At least," gasped Emerald as she died, "we're supporting an endangered species."
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