Monster (s)Mash

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Monster (s)Mash
October 16 2002 at 6:29 AM
Harbinger of Death
Tom Turkey



The two chancellors found themselves in an exquisite banquet hall somewhere in HoD’s guesthouse. The walls were simply crawling with beautiful woodwork, and the oak table held a huge feast fit for any Thanksgiving.

“You got an invite, too.”

“Yup. Must be something special for the chancellors!”

The door opened and Manto entered with Shoshana.

“Or not,” commented Omar.

“Shall we?” Manto asked, gesturing toward the table with her hands. “I don’t think I can wait until the Halloween party to get some nourishment. Being dead makes you hungry!”

“Anyone else coming?” wondered Shoshana.

“Well, there are four of us, and five seats.” Keleos observed.

“I’m not waiting,” Omar said, and seated himself. Soon after the four hapless ghosts had taken their seats, a giant turkey wandered into the room and sat at the head of the table.

“Hello,” said Tom. “Your host is out gathering more souls, so I will fill-in until the grand party.”

“Most gracious,” said Manto. “And you are…?”

“Tom,” replied the bird. “Tom Turkey. Holiday icon and currently serving as part-time aide to the Harbinger of Death.”

“Wow,” Omar said in slight awe. “The only celebrity I haven’t interviewed! What’s he like to work with?”

“Sorry,” Tom said. “I’m not allowed to give out trade secrets.”

To change the direction of the conversation, Tom waved a wing over the table. “Now, let’s eat!” he said. ”Though, you’ll understand if I don’t partake of the fowl.”

“Of course,” said Omar. He picked up a bowl from the center of the table. “But, perhaps you’d like the mashed potatoes?”

“Mashed potatoes,” Tom gave an exaggerated shiver that ruffled his feathers. “Horrible stuff.”

“I love mashed potatoes!” Manto declared.

“Smashed potatoes!” countered Shoshana.

“With garlic!” said Keleos.

“And gravy!” added Omar.

“Yes! What’s so bad about mashed potatoes?” Keleos asked.

“Ask a potato,” Tom said angrily. He exited the room and slammed the door.

“Gee,” said Omar. “Didn’t mean to upset the ol’ buzzard.”

The door vanished. The fancy woodwork along the walls disappeared - as did the table and chairs - and the four specters found that they were standing in a stainless steel room.

“Uh-oh,” said Manto.

The walls began to push in, slowly.

When the screaming started, Tom was very pleased, and he shifted the hydraulic control lever from “squeeze” to “mash”.

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