Today is WHAT?
by Harbinger of Death
“Where have you been, bro?” asked the Easter Bunny. “I been
sittin’ here thinkin’ up stuff, and you’ve barely been home. You
know it’s Halloween and half the Debs are still breathing.”
“I know, I know,” groaned the Harbinger of Death, grabbing his
scythe from the hall closet. “I had four parties in a row to
coordinate. Can you believe it? I’ve been so exhausted in between that
I just haven’t had time to kill them.”
“Well, you better get going. The ghosts have been up here too, asking
for you. I guess they’re out of beer. And Nydiva’s all pissed off
too, something about raspberry chocolate chips.”
“But I had three bags up there!"
“Apparently somebody had the munchies and now they’re gone.”
“Oh, great,” muttered the Harbinger. “It’s Halloween and I’m
up to my eye sockets in assassinations to perform, and now I’ve got to
run to the store to get beer and chocolate chips.”
“Nah, I’ll get ‘em. You just get to work.”
“Thanks, Bunny.” Harbinger checked his reflection in the mirror,
made a terrifying growl for practice, and straightened his robe. “I
owe you one.”
“It’s just paybacks for taking me in,” said EB. “Get going. And
when you get back we’ll have a nice quiet dinner.”
“Sounds heavenly. Well, I’m off.” With a swoop and a shadowy
shimmer, HoD was gone.
“Man, I wish I could do that,” said Bunny. He shrugged and hopped
away to see if there was any pesto in the kitchen that he could have
ready for his friend when the night was done.
Calee paced back and forth. “Would you sit down,” Manto said.
“You’re making me nervous.”
“How can I, when you’re already nervous?” Calee said, noting that
Manto’s nails were bitten down to the quick.
“Well, you’re making it worse.” Manto sat on her hands and stuck
out her tongue.
“You’re both too high-strung,” said warrior-bard calmly. “You
need to take this in stride.”
“He’s never this late!” Calee said. “It must mean that something
horrible has happened.”
“Or will happen,” Kel said gloomily. “You know, I scraped my elbow
today. That’s not supposed to happen, unless Harbinger made some deal
with somebody to have my immortality temporarily revoked.”
“It’s just another trick!” said warrior-bard. “He got bored with
killing us off in a typical fashion, so he’s making us wait because he
knows the anticipation will gnaw at us. Don’t let it get to you.”
Just then there was a knock at the door. The girls jumped. “Who is
it?” Keleos called.
There was a pause, and then, “Candygram.”
“Ha! That’s the oldest one in the book.”
“No, seriously. It’s a candygram. Could you open up? It’s
Halloween and I have a lot of deliveries to make.”
They all looked at each other. “Oh fine,” said wb. “I’ll get
it.” He opened the door, and sure enough, there was a delivery boy
there with a package. He held out a clipboard and wb signed for it. The
boy tipped his hat. “Happy Halloween,” he said as he went his way.
“Wonder who it’s from?” said wb.
“Did you see that?” Calee said.
“When he left he disappeared!” She was nearly hysterical.
“Would you settle down. Delivery boys don’t disappear unless you
“Did you tip him?”
“Of course not.”
“Quiet. Let’s see what’s inside.” He opened the box and inside
were some packages of candy corn, a few Slo Pokes, some Smarties, Pixie
Sticks, peanut butter kisses, and bubble gum. “There’s a note…
'Dear Kids, Happy Halloween. Love, Mom.’ Well, that was nice of her.
She must have ordered it before she died.”
“Gimme the gum,” said Calee. “It’ll help ease the tension.”
She chewed at it, and was surprised. “This is delicious!” she said.
“You’ve got to try it.” Her siblings shrugged and chewed their
“Wow, is that shrimp cocktail?” wondered Keleos. “Amazing.”
“It was, but now it’s Beef Wellington…and champagne!”
“Rice pilaf…sauteed green beans and almonds….is that sherbet?”
“Yes, lemon ice, I think. To clear the palate between courses.”
“This is amazing! It’s a whole dinner in one piece of gum.” They
chewed away happily, eager to taste the next dish.
“Oh my goodness, it’s blueberry cobbler,” said Manto.
“No, I think it’s pie,” said wb.
“How can you tell the difference?”
“It tastes more like a pastry than a biscuit,” he explained.
“Quite the gourmand,” said Keleos, rolling her eyes. “It’s good,
whatever it is. Hey, are you choking?”
“No, I’m fine. Why?” Calee asked, startled.
“You’re turning blue!”
“Ack! So are you!”
“We all are! What’s happening?”
“Oh dear. It’s the Willy Wonka theme. I should have known.” wb
looked at his blue hands.
“I haven’t seen that movie since I was a kid,” said Manto. “What
“Well, we...” Suddenly they started to expand. It was fast, and they
were very big very soon.
“You know this is physically impossible,” noted wb, even as he was a
huge sphere with hands and feet sticking out. “Our skin doesn’t have
enough volume to cover this much area. It’d be like making a grape
peel fit an orange.”
“Well, obviously it’s magic, genius,” said Calee. “What do we do
“In the movie, somebody comes to roll the kid away and drain them
before it gets serious.” They were all silent, and looked around,
waiting for that somebody to come, but of course they didn’t, and the
four just kept getting bigger.
“This is quite uncomfortable,” noted Keleos. “I think—I
“You’re right,” said Calee. “I think we’re going to—”
*Stay tuned...more to come later today.
October 31 2000