Today is WHAT?

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Today is WHAT?
by Harbinger of Death

“Where have you been, bro?” asked the Easter Bunny. “I been sittin’ here thinkin’ up stuff, and you’ve barely been home. You know it’s Halloween and half the Debs are still breathing.”

“I know, I know,” groaned the Harbinger of Death, grabbing his scythe from the hall closet. “I had four parties in a row to coordinate. Can you believe it? I’ve been so exhausted in between that I just haven’t had time to kill them.”

“Well, you better get going. The ghosts have been up here too, asking for you. I guess they’re out of beer. And Nydiva’s all pissed off too, something about raspberry chocolate chips.”

“But I had three bags up there!"

“Apparently somebody had the munchies and now they’re gone.”

“Oh, great,” muttered the Harbinger. “It’s Halloween and I’m up to my eye sockets in assassinations to perform, and now I’ve got to run to the store to get beer and chocolate chips.”

“Nah, I’ll get ‘em. You just get to work.”

“Thanks, Bunny.” Harbinger checked his reflection in the mirror, made a terrifying growl for practice, and straightened his robe. “I owe you one.”

“It’s just paybacks for taking me in,” said EB. “Get going. And when you get back we’ll have a nice quiet dinner.”

“Sounds heavenly. Well, I’m off.” With a swoop and a shadowy shimmer, HoD was gone.

“Man, I wish I could do that,” said Bunny. He shrugged and hopped away to see if there was any pesto in the kitchen that he could have ready for his friend when the night was done.


Calee paced back and forth. “Would you sit down,” Manto said. “You’re making me nervous.”

“How can I, when you’re already nervous?” Calee said, noting that Manto’s nails were bitten down to the quick.

“Well, you’re making it worse.” Manto sat on her hands and stuck out her tongue.

“You’re both too high-strung,” said warrior-bard calmly. “You need to take this in stride.”

“He’s never this late!” Calee said. “It must mean that something horrible has happened.”

“Or will happen,” Kel said gloomily. “You know, I scraped my elbow today. That’s not supposed to happen, unless Harbinger made some deal with somebody to have my immortality temporarily revoked.”

“It’s just another trick!” said warrior-bard. “He got bored with killing us off in a typical fashion, so he’s making us wait because he knows the anticipation will gnaw at us. Don’t let it get to you.”

Just then there was a knock at the door. The girls jumped. “Who is it?” Keleos called.

There was a pause, and then, “Candygram.”

“Ha! That’s the oldest one in the book.”

“No, seriously. It’s a candygram. Could you open up? It’s Halloween and I have a lot of deliveries to make.”

They all looked at each other. “Oh fine,” said wb. “I’ll get it.” He opened the door, and sure enough, there was a delivery boy there with a package. He held out a clipboard and wb signed for it. The boy tipped his hat. “Happy Halloween,” he said as he went his way.

“Wonder who it’s from?” said wb.

“Did you see that?” Calee said.


“When he left he disappeared!” She was nearly hysterical.

“Would you settle down. Delivery boys don’t disappear unless you don’t tip.”

“Did you tip him?”

“Of course not.”


“Quiet. Let’s see what’s inside.” He opened the box and inside were some packages of candy corn, a few Slo Pokes, some Smarties, Pixie Sticks, peanut butter kisses, and bubble gum. “There’s a note… 'Dear Kids, Happy Halloween. Love, Mom.’ Well, that was nice of her. She must have ordered it before she died.”

“Gimme the gum,” said Calee. “It’ll help ease the tension.” She chewed at it, and was surprised. “This is delicious!” she said. “You’ve got to try it.” Her siblings shrugged and chewed their pieces too.

“Wow, is that shrimp cocktail?” wondered Keleos. “Amazing.”

“It was, but now it’s Beef Wellington…and champagne!”

“Rice pilaf…sauteed green beans and almonds….is that sherbet?”

“Yes, lemon ice, I think. To clear the palate between courses.”

“This is amazing! It’s a whole dinner in one piece of gum.” They chewed away happily, eager to taste the next dish.

“Oh my goodness, it’s blueberry cobbler,” said Manto.

“No, I think it’s pie,” said wb.

“How can you tell the difference?”

“It tastes more like a pastry than a biscuit,” he explained.

“Quite the gourmand,” said Keleos, rolling her eyes. “It’s good, whatever it is. Hey, are you choking?”

“No, I’m fine. Why?” Calee asked, startled.

“You’re turning blue!”

“Ack! So are you!”

“We all are! What’s happening?”

“Oh dear. It’s the Willy Wonka theme. I should have known.” wb looked at his blue hands.

“I haven’t seen that movie since I was a kid,” said Manto. “What happens next?”

“Well, we...” Suddenly they started to expand. It was fast, and they were very big very soon.

“You know this is physically impossible,” noted wb, even as he was a huge sphere with hands and feet sticking out. “Our skin doesn’t have enough volume to cover this much area. It’d be like making a grape peel fit an orange.”

“Well, obviously it’s magic, genius,” said Calee. “What do we do now?”

“In the movie, somebody comes to roll the kid away and drain them before it gets serious.” They were all silent, and looked around, waiting for that somebody to come, but of course they didn’t, and the four just kept getting bigger.

“This is quite uncomfortable,” noted Keleos. “I think—I think—ugh…”

“You’re right,” said Calee. “I think we’re going to—”


*Stay tuned...more to come later today.

October 31 2000

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