The CAP: "The O.M.Army of Darkness"

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The CAP: "The O.M.Army of Darkness"
by Lambda

Behind the gymnasium, Lambda cackled hysterically.
"Arise, my soldiers!!!" she cried.
From a hidden manhole cover, two dozen figures slowly emerged.
They were all prototype O.M.A.R. robots, early designs that proved too unrealistic to serve as duplicates for Omar when he needed one. Some were too plasticy looking; some had glowing red eyes or antennae; one was too handsome, based on Omar's self-image rather than his real self.
Lambda waved a hand in the air. Dark clouds gathered overhead.
"And now, we shall retake the campus from these traitorous CAs!!!" she cried dramatically. "Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war, and let those still asleep in their beds in Londontown curse themselves, and think their manhood cheap, that they were not here to prove their valour!"
A couple of the robots looked to one another, wondering what she was rambling about.
Lambda sighed. "We're going to retake the campus," she said, "and put all the CAs in the dungeon."
There was a murmuring.
Finally, one O.M.A.R. robot spoke: "Can we give them strip searches?"
Lambda sighed. Some of them had been programmed a little too well with Omar's personality traits. "Yes," she said wearily.
A cheer arose from the robots. A cheer that was soon drowned out by thunder.
Lambda looked up.
Rain suddenly poured from the darkened clouds, and lightning streaked across the sky.
What had been an overcast dusk had suddenly become a dark and stormy night.
One other problem with the O.M.A.R. prototypes; most of them had not been waterproofed.
Lambda watched helplessly as soldier after soldier, they short- circuited and fell over like dominos. Some exploded; others merely twitched while smoke poured out of their ears. But after a few seconds in the deluge, only Lambda and one of the O.M.A.Robots still stood.
It was the extra-handsome O.M.A.R., which bore a stronger resemblance to Ben Affleck than it did to Eldin from Murphy Brown.
"Well, at least there's still one of you---" Lambda said.
Lightning shot from the clouds and blew the handsome O.M.A.R. to smithereens.
Lambda groaned and turned to run to the chancellor's mansion and get away from the downpour. The strands of her blonde wig hung over her eyes; her makeup was smeared; and she was a mess overall. Hoping there was no one in the mansion, she darted in and started to look for a candle.

Posted on Sep 02 1999, 01:07 PM

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